Death vs Not Dying

Lying on my bed this early in the morning and thinking of my death. Seems pretty weird to have this kind of thinking isn't it? I've always have this inkling that I won't live up to a certain age (where we think the average human age should end). Another weird thought, right? But is it weird to think of death at this age? Is it weird to even think of your own death at all? 

People think about death all the time for a lot of reasons. Some think about death as an escape from their current life. Some think of death as the next destination of their life. For me, I think of death as a ticking clock. Looking at how many years, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds left to live before I complete my work. 

I think of death more often then not. But rarely as an escape from my life. Rarely?! Have I thought of escaping this life? Maybe. Once or twice. Could be from the stress of life that led me to think of death that way. But then again, I always end up not thinking about it eventually. To me, a purposeless death is like a purposeless life. People say if you're not 'living' you might as well just die. Well, if you look at at it, not 'living' is already 'being dead' anyway. Taking your life doesn't make any difference. It only probably eases or adds on the burden on someone else's life.

What is a purposeless death? Dying without purpose. If you're thinking that you've already wasted your life, then don't waste your death. Death is not a bad thing when you think of it in a christian context. We are not build to last forever on earth. We are build to last forever spiritually for heaven. But what we do here now, on earth, is lasting and it affects our next destination of where we are meant to be. 

So we come back to the beginning of why I was thinking of death all of a sudden early this morning. I actually mourned thinking of my own death. Not because I died and I was sad because I died. But because I could imagine the looks on everyone's faces at my own funeral or wake. I can feel how they would be feeling when I'm gone. Even if I were to prepare them for my death, the pain wouldn't be any less than not knowing. I also imagine the last words I would say to everyone. I imagine having flashbacks of all the things that I'm suppose to accomplish. I have accomplished them all. I finally have lived my life finishing all the work I have promised God I would do if He would just continued to create the path for me to walk on. This would be what I will tell people before I go. That I will not have a purposeless death. My life has been lived to accomplish His works and my death won't be the end of it but it will be a baton for the next generation to continue doing His work. 

I don't know how long I do have to live. But what I know is, my work is not done yet. There is still much to be done. I feel my mission is just about to kickstart or it has kickstarted and it's only just beginning. Will I be able to accomplish all His works within the next few years? Not sure. I only know when I'm in gear, I tend to pick up speed quickly and by the time I get the momentum going, it's kind of hard to stop. Some say I get things done fast and that I'm efficient and all. Well, if I'm that efficient and can get things done fast... You kind of already know 'where' I'm going with this. Or at least know how fast I'm 'going'.